thosewhowait

Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Sunday, January 31, 2010

sunday's


sunday's at the dewalt house have always been somewhat interesting to say the least...


even while we still lived in berwick we were somewhat involved in ministry and when we moved to the harrisburg area we were ridiculously involved in ministry (forgive me but i do think one can over-do it sometimes) especially if you are like me (and tim) and can't say "no".


the mornings were somewhat chaos for many years and often times we would have to drive in different cars just so one could get to church on time to teach or go to a meeting...but even in all the chaos we ALWAYS had a rule in our house...IF anyone slept over on saturday night they had to attend church with us...HOUSE RULE. (and just for clarification...that was a tim house rule-my preferance was ALWAYS to not have sleepovers on saturday nights-but i lost that battle and now i am so glad).


so as you all know i am taking a much needed break from ministry so that i may be ministered to...and i am loving it. the last few weeks or so i have really enjoyed getting up on sunday morning...no stress...no obligations...no worries. it seems that once we decided to commit to CLA for one year i felt a relief that i can not explain. i am settling in and feel really good about our decision.


the funny thing is that UNTIL recently i did not realize how all those years of ministry had affected our kids...tim and i often wondered if we were so involved at times that we would push our kids away (you read and hear about that stuff all the time). there wasn't a day go by that we didn't pray that we were in God's will and doing what we were supposed to be doing and pray that our kids would grow up to be "in love" with the things of GOD and not feel that they were a burden or worse yet a ritual or habit.


so here we are in 2010. my kids have grown up and have access to a vehicle and have a drivers license and mom works every third sunday...what do we do?? we "impress the socks off mom" is what we do. keep in mind that dad was the HOUSE RULE guy and now dad is gone and on some levels mom can be a softie but this rule has stuck without me having to even address it.


we have been to CLA about 7 times now...do you know that on 3 of those 7 times my kids have taken a friend to church with them. one of those weeks i had to work and didn't even go myself. talk about putting their mother to shame...the sermons this entire month have been on ONE MORE and how we need to reach out to one more individual this year...


their dad would be so proud. i am so proud.


when i hear my 16 year old kids tell their friends that they can sleep over but they have to go to church in the morning and then they continue to say...it's ok to wear jeans if you want and the preacher is pretty chill and kinda funny and i think you will like it...totally blows you away. you know how many people i invited to church this past year??? probably the same as you...ZERO.


part of todays sermon was to "live the life"


"WITNESS AT ALL TIMES; USE WORDS IF YOU HAVE TO"


i don't say anything to my kids because if mom approved they may stop...it's a teenager thing...but i think they GET IT. being a christian and going to church is such a huge part of who the dewalts are and if you are going to hang with the dewalts we want you to be part of that world also. our GOD is an awesome GOD and if you need a place to hang out on sunday morning's you are always free to join us.


SO>>>just so i am not falling too far behind my kids...if you are not doing anything next sunday morning at 11am...come on along and join us. the sermon is on WINNING ATTITUDES and this week you can wear your favorite jersey to church (yes...on sunday morning). Ashley already has her steelers jersey ready to role.


this is one proud mom signing off


thanks for checking in


tammy







Friday, January 29, 2010

APRIL 2004

...i was going through some drawers the other day and came across a spiral index card notebook

i guess that i had thrown it in a drawer thinking that someday tim or the girls would enjoy looking through it and reading it. it was written over a period of about two months or so and pretty much was a brief summary of tim's daily devotional broken down into a few sentences that he left EACH morning for the kids to read before school.

now keep in mind that this was written in 2004 which was the year BEFORE he got sick and the kids would have been like 11 and 13.

here are some samples of the pages:

*Good Morning
Give thanks to the Lord for He is good...Remember He will never leave us or forsake us.
I love you guys with all my heart
See you tonight
Love Dad
XXXXXOOOOO's


*Good Morning girls
The Lord is ALWAYS with you-ALL the time
Dad loves each of you VERY much
I'll see you tonight
Love Dad
XXXXOOOO's

*Ashley-I am so proud of you for supporting your team (even with the cast) God see's everything!! Remember that!!!
Kelsey-Go 24 queen. Cross over dribble and go to the basket
Megan-Proud is not a good word to tell you how i feel about your accomplishments! Proudest Dad would be close!!!! for all three of my girls!!!
Happy are those who delight in doing what he commands Psalm 112:1
Love you guys-Dad XXXXOOOO's

*I'm praying for each of you-Have a GREAT day!!!
Ashley and Kelsey-Great job on your science projects
Megan-Thanks for your help as always
Love you all
Dad XXXXOOOO's

*Good morning!!
Find enjoyment in all the days that God gives you!
Everyday is a gift
Appreciate the little things
Don't be negative
Remember...Every day is mothers day!! Lets show mom today how much we love her and appreciate her...not just on mothers day
Love you all
Dad XXXXOOOO's

*Bless me Lord so that I can be a blessing to others!!
Have a great day!!!
Megan-Great job yesterday helping Pator Sara again...love ya!!!!
Ashley and Kelsey-Thank you for inviting me to go on your field trip-it was a lot of fun and the best part was I was with both of you!!!
Love Dad
XXXXOOOO's

*I love you all very much. I'm so proud of your report cards. Each of you work very hard and it shows. Dad's ALWAYS here to talk to you, pray with you, play with you!! Anything you need-I'm here!!
Love you all-DAD XXXXOOOO's

*Ashley and Kelsey-Have a great day at school. Jesus is with you every step of the way
Megan-Good luck tomorrow...I am proud of you. More importantly you are using a talent the Lord has given you for his honor and glory
Mom-to the best mom and wife we could ever have!! Love ya lots!!!
Love Dad. XXXXOOOO's

*Good morning ladies...I am blessed with 4 beautiful girls.
I love you all very much!! Have a great day!!!
Love Dad. XXXXOOOO's

*Good morning...I hope you slept well
Today is a new day...let's live it BIG for CHRIST!!!
Dad is very PROUD of each of you!!!
I love you with all my heart!!!
Dad XXXXOOOO's

*Good morning. It's a GREAT day
I love you guys BIG TIME
Love someone-Be kind, generous, thoughtful to someone today. The Lord wants us to reach out to everyone and love them
See ya all tonight. Dad XXXXOOOO's

I could go on and on and on...but i think you get the picture...he wanted to be the best dad ever and the best husband ever

miss him terribly. we certainly don't ever have to wonder how he felt about us "gals". he was a good man.

thanks for checking in

tammy

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

a new way to lose weight...


buy a piece of weight equipment and spend your day off experimenting with it and "presto"...you will lose weight BECAUSE YOU ARE NOW NOT ONLY UNABLE TO GRIP A FORK BUT EVEN IF YOU COULD...YOU ARE TOTALLY INCAPABLE OF RAISING YOUR ARMS HIGH ENOUGH TO REACH YOUR MOUTH ANYWAY.


and don't ask me how i managed to brush my teeth tuesday morning...you don't really want to know.


yes...we purchased a PR3000 bowflex. i am not sure what we were thinking...but perhaps i need to find someone who know what in the world a PR3000 is really supposed to do instead of making it up as i go. it is newer than the original model but much older than the newest model.


it does NOT come with an instructional video and although you would have loved to watch my first workout on "youtube"...(don't even try to imagine)...i don't think that would have been wise. i embarrass my kids enough without adding that to the list.


*my arms...felt like they were twice the weight they were the day before


*my shoulders...i don't think i ever really felt my shoulders before...but i know EXACTLY where they are located now


*my lower and mid-back...making a definate appearance


boy am i really glad that i decided NOT to work the lower portion of my body...i am not sure i would have made it to the advil bottle in the morning....which meant i would not have made it to brush my teeth...which means i would not have made to to work...'cause that is just plain GROSS.


i took the next day off and i suppose i should go down there again tonight...but i get the shakes just thinking about it. anyone out there know a good personal trainer (besides mary) that could come to the house and point me in the right direction?? i think that i am in need of some instruction.


i have had inquiries about the FLOOD waters and whether or not we were affected by the river (we live pretty close and in the flood zone). last night i was outside with the hose trying to get the waters to rise just a little more...if my basement floods ALL my exercise equipment will float away!!! (come on you have to find SOME good in every situation)


but seriously...we were ok this time around. i think we we had about a 4 foot window to work with. as long as our pump stays pumping we are good to the 20-something foot marker. (some things were just tim's thing to remember and unfortunately he took that one to the grave with him...i have no idea when we get water)


going for a walk with my AP...she feels the need to CHAT tonight and SHE thought it would be better to do it on a walk then over coffee :( who is this woman???


wish me luck.


thanks for checking in.


tammy
















Sunday, January 24, 2010

the time has finally come...


...i now have 3 teenage daughters with drivers licenses!!!!!


in some respects that is going to make my life so much easier but in other respects i can feel the gray hairs busting through my scalp.


driving here in the city can be stressful for a seasoned driver...keep my girls in your prayers as they venture off to this new and exciting phase of being a 16 year old.


i survived the night shift...totally blew my diet the last few days but it was a small price to pay to get through pulling two all nighter shifts and not hurting anyone in the process. i just felt the need for cereal this weekend...working when i should be sleeping and sleeping when i should be working...kinda messes with your whole system. cereal was my friend this weekend.


i didn't do very well sleeping this weekend...about 7 hours all together and i am getting a little fuzzy tonight. i got zero sleep before going in friday night and about 3 hours combined between friday and saturday and i think i slept about 4 hours sunday morning. now i am exhausted. hopefully i will be able to sleep tonight.


monday morning back to serious business...we got a new addition to our little in-home gym this weekend. something to help work the upper body muscles a bit to balance out all the treadmill walking. it will be nice to have a change. hopefully i can come up with some work out routine alternating the weight-training with the walking. wish me luck.


hope you all had a wonderful weekend.


i wanted to say a big thank you to the girls from the cancer center that called and asked me out for dinner tonight. it was so nice to get out and spend some time with some of the people that tim had so many dealings with over the years. it was a fun time and we got to laugh and remembered so many stories...i had forgotten that one of the nurses there tonight was working the first night tim was admitted to HMC (new years eve). she even remembered the room number he was in...amazing staff who became part of our extended family for many years.


(oh, everyone says hi fred!!!)


thanks for checking in


tammy




Friday, January 22, 2010

big night...


...tonight is my big debut on "the night shift" weekend.


i will be heading into work with little to no sleep tonight which will be pretty normal for my first night. being all day shift and having a relatively normal sleep schedule makes it a little rough to make the switch.


for those of you who will be up roaming around during the night tonight...say a prayer that i don't fall over at work tonight.


then i have the challenge of coming home on a saturday (with multiple teenagers in the house) and trying to sleep enough to be able to do another all nighter.


then after the second night and coming home on sunday morning--my normal schedule will be back to working day shift early monday morning. (for obvious reasons this week i took monday as a vacation day-i am getting too old for this).


it has been awhile since i have worked the night-shift and i am a little nervous. i know how hard it can be when you don't have enough sleep and you have to try and sit in front of a microscope and count blood cells for hours. (hopefully i won't come home with a black eye from falling over into the scope)


and to top off the whole experience this weekend...my new weekend crew is having a party...i get to eat homemade pepperoni rolls at 3am...not a food that i would usually think about eating when i have to get up at 3am to go to the bathroom nor is it an approved diet food...but it is my NEW CREW that i have to work with every third weekend for the next 8 years or so...eventually i will let them know that i am on a diet but for now...lets just get through the weekend.


you know what they say..."when in rome" (make sure you bring the tums and plan on "walking" some more).




well...i had best get the girls up for school.


have a wonderful day.


thanks for checking in


tammy


ps..say a prayer for ash today. her ovarian cyst is acting up again and she has had a really rough week. had to miss some more school. she may try to go in for a little bit today.






Monday, January 18, 2010

sat with a friend...


i sat with a friend tonight who has a similar family situation as i do.


i had to choke back tears as we sat there talking about the fact that our daughter(s) will not have the chance to experience their dad meeting "the prom date" at the door and grill him with questions about his intentions for the evening.


i had to choke back tears as we sat there talking about the fact that our daughter(s) will not have the chance to experience their dad at "graduation"...whether it be from high school or from college.


i had to choke back tears as we sat there talking about the fact that our daughter(s) will not have the chance to experience their dad "walking them down the aisle" on their wedding day or dancing that special father/daughter dance. i know tim and one of the twins already had their special song picked out...


(ok...i admit it...i cried a little at that one)


i am not a big fan of having to be the mom and the dad...i actually had to meet a "boy" that wanted to date my daughter this past weekend...yuk!!! (not the boy...he was fine) but that sort of thing is such a "dad thing".


we used to share the role of "good parent" and "bad parent" and now i seem to be the "bad parent" much more than the good. no one to split the time with.


is it any wonder that i feel stressed all the time and use food to comfort me??


...if you said yes...you go girl...if you want to eat you just go ahead and eat.


...then you are NOT my accountability partner. and what makes her think that she knows how i am feeling...she was the one i was talking with. she is about 13 years ahead of me but she knows. she knows what i am feeling and she knows it is hard. she knows that i struggle and she knows that i cry. she knows when i eat and why i eat and she is determined to get me through this grief process being able to lose the weight instead of gain the weight.


she keeps me on my guard all the time. she is unpredictable. one minute she can be in a room comforting me crying with me and telling me that she totally understands what i am going through (and i know that she does) and the very next minute she will be telling me that because of my diet meltdown...when i leave her house tonight i MUST go home and walk 3 miles on my treadmill. and by the way i am going to walk 3 miles on the treadmill tomorrow night and the next night too until i am told i can stop. i am also going to have to write down EVERY THING that goes into my mouth and walk it up to her house every night so we can go over it and modify my walk if needed. but she totally understands what i am going through....you ever watch dr jekyll and mr hyde???


(i can promise you that i will NOT be cheating this week...60 straight minutes of walking each night is more than enough for me)


is that bizarre or what...you ever watch the twilight zone???


but i have to admit that she is exactly what i need to get me through this rough time. i would have gained at least 37 pounds in the last three months but because of her influence in my life i have lost 37 pounds. i needed someone who has "walked the walk" to tell me to get a grip and re-channel my stress and anger and grief in something besides food.


we are still working through many many issues but we haven't killed each other yet...or should i clarify...she hasn't killed me yet. she seems to know exactly what i need at each crisis and seems to even be in tune with my limitations. she pushes me to be better in many areas of my life and in the process i do end up getting LOTS of exercise. (someday i suppose i will have to thank her for that...but i am pretty sure it will not be this week)


well...gotta go put in my 3 miles and stay out of the kitchen. i have been walking one mile here and there and then doing a little this or that and then back on the treadmill for another leisurely half mile or so...but this 60 minutes at a 3.0 pace night after night might be the end of me. it certainly gets my heart rate up and certainly wakes my legs up and it more importantly it certainly keeps me from snack-grazing in the evenings. (this lady is good)
pray for me.


thanks for checking in


tammy
















Sunday, January 17, 2010

to all my church friends...


...at all three churches


the time has come for me and the girls to take a family vote and choose where we are going to settle in and attend in 2010.


as you all know we moved to the harrisburg area back in 2001 with the sole intent to become part of the children's ministry. over the course of the last few years our family served in children's church and musicals and outreaches and invasion and taught sunday school and served on staff and served as a board member and served as prayer partners and served on kitchen committee and worked in nursery and worked with toddlers and played on softball team and performed at fine arts and sang solo's and sang in men's choir and met some of the most amazing "Sold-out to Christ" christians that one could ever meet. some came and some went and many are still there...but we are not.


i wanted to just let you all know back at first ag that it had nothing to do with you...it had everything to do with me. as i type this blog entry i sit with tears in my eyes because i really do miss all the friendships and tight bonds that were formed while i was there. but having been so involved in the church with tim and making all the friends with tim and standing at the alter praying with tim and holding hands during praise and worship time with tim...it was becoming torturous to attend this church. i was an emotional wreck...and i tryed moving my seat and i tryed coming in late and leaving early and finally i just felt that it was time to make a change (for my sanity).


so we tryed a church in middletown and loved it...loved the pastoral staff and loved the praise and worship and loved the fact that we had a few friends already there so we thought that this was going to be where we were going to settle in. then one of the girls reminded me that before we left first we agreed that we would try a couple of churches out before we made our decision.


so after spending a month in middletown and really liking it we headed over to the west shore...absolutely convinced that after a few weeks there we would be back to middletown. but i guess God had something else in mind. the church that we all knew we were not going to like really felt like a good fit. after the first service we were walking out to the car and someone asked me what i thought...i said i kinda liked it and they said me too...but that wasn't supposed to happen. so we went back a few more times and prayed about it and FOR RIGHT NOW we have decided that we are going to attend CLA in camp hill.


maybe it is because i don't see anyone i know on a regular basis because it is so large...maybe it is because we sing praise and worship songs that are new to me and don't bring back the memories or maybe it is just where God wants us at this particular time in our lives. we all like the preaching and we all like the praise and worship time...whatever the reason we have voted and although all surprised we are going to give it a shot. a one year commitment to CLA. i think that for now i am content not getting involved in ministry but if and when it is time...there is certainly opportunity for involvement over there. i thought the size would be a bad thing but i found that i am at that stage in my life where it is just me and God when i am there...the size of the church is irrelevant.


the kids are happy there

i am happy there


so...please know that even though you may not see me as much anymore you are all still very near in my heart. i miss you all and when i am ready i will stop in for a visit and say HI. my church family was so supportive and so wonderful throughout the many years that tim was sick and at first i felt really guilty leaving you all...but i couldn't keep doing what i was doing. i kept praying that God would make it better where i was and he kept insisting that i make a change...so reluctantly i left. (as usual...He was right)


i hope you all understand....


thanks for checking in


tammy


Friday, January 15, 2010

long day...

...i have to admit that i was not really looking forward to my friday.

...i decided that after work today i was going to drive an hour or so to attend a viewing (my first since tim's). i had offers for rides but i chose to drive myself because i was not real sure that i would have been much company on the way home. as it came closer to the time of the viewing i started to realize that it was not the viewing itself that i was so "uptight" about...it was the fact that i was going to be seeing all of tim's co-workers-many for the first time in a long time-and i was a mess.

...i can't describe the feelings that i have for those PEPSI people (for lack of a better word). they are GREAT for starters. they are one awesome bunch. they were great with me tonight...it was hard enough for them to be there but having me there certainly was not helping any. they made me go through the line first because they knew how tim's boss was going to react to me...and they thought that would make it easier for them...big chickens.

...we all survived and as expected i did really good until i was back in my car and alone. that was one rough night. i had visions of pizza and french fries and chocolate dancing in my head. when i am stressed all i want to do is eat...BUT i didn't cave into the cravings (this time). i suppose each time i have a viewing or a funeral it will get a little better...i just wanted to stay and hug the widow wife and say that i also lost a husband prematurely and i understand...but i don't really understand.

...i am still learning this role of "the widow" and finding it to be a little complicated at times. i am not really a huge fan.

tomorrow is another day...thank goodness.

thanks for checking in

tammy

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

mini-vacation is over...


...i had the last 4 days off work and was loving it. now i need to face reality and get back into the daily grind.


on monday ashley had her "neuro-psych" exam...this was ordered 4 months post-concussion to evaluate her memory and overall general state. it was a verbal and written test that was administered one-on-one with a doctor in camp hill. it was to take up to 4 hours but her being young and quick it didn't last quite that long. unfortunately we will not get the actual report for about 3 weeks.


she told me that it encompassed discussions ranging from her dad to the fall to her needing a dog to school work to the boyfriend to whether her mother dated yet and beyond...oh goody.


there were goofy memory tests and having to draw pictures and match up letters to numbers and stuff that i would no way be able to do...and i didn't have a concussion.


the cartoon today was picked because i so badly NEED to get out of my house and back to work. I am realizing that i do not do so good being home alone. (i think i hear voices...like the candy bars in the cupboard calling me and the frozen pasta telling me they are so cold and want to be cooked...maybe i need the psych portion of that exam myself)


one of these days i am going to need to de-clutter my kitchen from all the junk food and lock up all the tempting carbs (which happens to be all of them). it is either them being locked up or me being locked up and i vote for them. is it unusual to want a safe installed in my kitchen? i hear that insurance doesn't pay to have your mouth wired shut anymore.


at least when i am at work i can't roam through the kitchen...in fact we can't eat at all while we are working which for me is REALLY GOOD. but we also can't drink so my water consumption suffers on days i work...guess you can't have everything.


girls are good. moved meg back to PSU on sunday. kelsey is at ski club and ashley and i are getting ready to watch amercan idol...i am in the mood for a good laugh.


thanks for checking in


tammy.









Monday, January 11, 2010

different things...


different things spark different reactions from me...


like how i get anxious every time i see PIZZA


like how i break out in a sweat when i see someone eating CHOCOLATE


or like today when i heard that a very dear friend suddenly lost his father...i cried. i didn't know the father but i know the son well. he was one of tim's best friend's and now i know this friend is sad and mourning the loss of someone close...i cried.


if my schedule permits i would like to go to the viewing...not expecting that to go real well but i have to try. i was so overwhelmed at the number in attendance at tim's services. it was mind-boggling to me that so many people bundled up and came out to pay their last respects and show their support for me and the girls.


there are times when it seems so recent...hard to believe that it was a year ago.


thanks for checking in


tammy








Sunday, January 10, 2010

my second new year's day...


i don't know if "happy new year" is appropriate but i am happy to say that i did survive this past year. many many many thanks go out to all of you who helped me trudge through.


a few friends "strongly encouraged" me to out with them last night and i said yes because i was quite scared they were going to come take me anyway...at least this way i was not in my pajamas.


i didn't want to sit at home and "mourn" all night but on the other hand i didn't want to go out and totally ignore the fact that it was "the" anniversary. so i compromised...i wrote each of them a letter telling them (what i thought) tim would say to them last night. i know that reading this it seems like a very bizarre thing to have done but it helped me so much involving his memory into our fun-packed evening. it was not a total tear-jerker letter...in fact it was quite funny at times. (funny how he can still "bust" on me even after he is gone). the letter talked about how grateful he was that they were taking such good care of me and that they should continue to help me on my diet and my transition to full-time. it pulled out certain aspects of their individual personalities and told them how they have positively influenced me over this last year.


i wish i was able to do that for all of you out in cyber-space. it was really "good" for me to write and gave me a chance to really tell them how i feel about each of them. (which according to tim i apparently am not very good at in person).


i have to admit that if i were the one picking the movie last night i probably would not have picked the LOVE STORY between two blue people...but there were enough explosions and stuff to keep me somewhat distracted from the mushy emotional stuff.


year one is over...


time to focus on 2010 and a new beginning. never to forget but time to move forward a bit...but i am still a bit scared and i still beg for your prayers.


thanks for all you do and all you have done for this family.


thanks for checking in


tammy









Wednesday, January 06, 2010

nothing new...


just checking in...


nothing new or exciting to report.


trudging along on this diet and just starting to exercise a bit this week...taking it slow trying to adjust to a new work schedule.


megan goes back to psu this weekend...capital one bowl champs (suppose we will have a new shirt to add to the collection)


feeling ok today...


thanks for checking in


tammy

Monday, January 04, 2010

coming to an end...

...an end of the "first" year without a husband, a father, a friend.

...an end to the "first" year of all the "first's"...thank goodness.

i refuse to dwell on the fact that we are approaching the anniversary of tim's passing but i also would be foolish to think that all of you out there aren't wondering how we are doing.

the girls and i haven't really talked all that much about it other than the fact that everyone seems to be aware that this saturday is january 9th and we are trying to all keep busy. meg will be busy getting ready to head back to PSU. ash will be busy trying to keep busy. kels probably will be working at old navy. and we all will probably end up at the farm show at some time throughout the day.

i suppose at some point we should all get together and watch a sporting event and drink a pepsi...in memory

i recently read a quote from hilary stanton zunin:

"the risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief
but the pain of grief
is only a shadow
when compared with the pain
of never risking love."

i guess that is what i would call the NO REGRETS quote.

this last month or so has been so much harder than i could have ever imagined...and i know that there are no promises that on january 10th the pain will go away...

but even with all the grief and all the pain i still can say that i have no regrets...in the 21 years that i was married to that man i was able to experience so many awesome and amazing things. i often sit and think back to all the wonderful pepsi trips we went on and then find myself almost enjoying the nights we sat on the living room floor for hours playing a game of rummy just as much.

we would start out playing to 500 and if i was winning he would switch it to 1000 and if i was still winning he would switch it to 1500...i think you get the point.

i see him on a daily basis each time i look at one of the girls...i never realized how much of tim they have in them...they find that statement kinda scary but i find it reassuring. he was a good man full of wonderful qualities. i would be proud to say that my girls are a lot like their father.

he was such a blessing to me and the girls and he is so missed...i wish i could express the way i really feel tonight as i remember so many stories and so many memories of the last 20 some years. someday i will be able to experience the memories without all the pain and then maybe i can express my feelings better but for now...i ask for your continued prayers.

we are going to be fine...but it does take time.

thanks for checking in

tammy

Friday, January 01, 2010

happy new year


how many of you started your new years resolution diet today? welcome...misery loves company.




i am glad to announce that i have successfully lost 5 of the 8 pounds that i found over the holiday...only 3 more to go to be back on track. i am still grumbling a bit about my recent meltdown but thanks for all your encouraging comments. things are going pretty good so far.




once again i thought about having a blog entry about all the happenings of this last year and thought better of it...didn't want to blow my diet again so quickly. so my new agenda is to just look forward to the good things coming in 2010.




hope you all had a great christmas and a happy new year. lots of family and friends and low-carb foods. today i invited myself to a friends house for pork and sauerkraut...i never cook it but i love to eat it. i just roam around the city until i find someone who has it and will let me in. thanks brenda.




for those of you just starting your diet and/or exercise program...good luck to you.




thanks for checking in




tammy