wow...

a whole week flew by.



meg did well...in fact she is camping with some friends now and last i heard there were some bear sightings. and i was worried about her getting her teeth out!!! silly me.



ashley is back from the beach and had a wonderful time...lots of fishing which to my surprise...she loved.



kelsey's world is pretty much field hockey these days...which she loves.



and me...just sitting back and watching my girls grow and mature into some pretty cool teens and young adults. (can i say COOL and not insult my kids...i can't keep up with whats in and whats out).



my kids being so busy helps me get through the days...although even being around so much activity and running here and running there...i still have a lot of lonely times.



lots of times that i miss just looking over at tim's chair and not seeing him there.



lots of times that i think i should call someone and let them know what we are doing or when we will be home...and then remember that there is no one home to call.



lots of times...lots to remember.



that probably means that there are going to be lots more times that i will be feeling like i do tonight...lonely.



funny thing is that before tim was gone i loved to be alone...but i have found that there is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. i never really knew that one could be in a room full of people and still feel as lonely as i do tonight in a room by myself.



i was reading a devotional book tonight and came across this verse:



"Let heaven fill your thoughts. Do not think only about things down here on earth."

Colossians 3:2



so simple...i must admit that it wasn't too long after reading that i did muster up a smile thinking about what tim must be doing right now. in fact i was even a bit jealous.

keep praying...what a crappy process one goes through after such a loss.

thanks for checking in

tammy

wisdom teeth...

...are out and all is well.

we have our antibiotic

we have our pain meds

we have our ice packs

we have our applesauce

we have our pudding

we have our ice cream

meg has been a trooper all day long.

the entire procedure was short and sweet with no complications.

just nursing the patient to a speedy recovery.

say a prayer

thanks for checking in

tammy

ice cream on my mind...

this week has kinda been crazy...

i have one at the beach for a week-she calls me about 4-5 times a day

i have one at field hockey camp until wednesday-she wants me to come watch her play all her games at elizabethtown college

i have one getting her wisdom teeth out on friday-she has a consultation appt today

i have me craving orangeville carnival homemade ice cream so i think i am going to miss a FH game tonight and go on a road trip to berwick.

a pepper and onion sandwich, a cup of homemade bean soup and a few scoops of homemade banana ice cream...i can almost taste it already.

did you ever find that PERFECT spot to put something important and then not be able to remember where that spot was??? i am showing signs of old age i guess... i have just spent hours looking for meg's x-rays to take to the surgeon and they are nowhere to be found. i am guessing that in the massive house cleaning (or should i call it clutter cleaning) after tim passed they may have been accidently tossed. i guess i could claim temporary insanity.

well...i have to keep looking. her appt is in about one hour.

thanks for checking in

tammy

going on 1am...

...and i still have about two hours to go.

YES...i caved and decided to take the kids to the midnight showing of harry potter. i was never a huge fan of movies about wizards and stuff but this harry dude just won't die...i think this is the sixth movie maybe?! and there is at least one more after this i believe.

well, anyway i have to go and pick them up at 2:45am so i am killing time.

i am on a 6 out of 7 day work stretch...hershey opened the "NEW" and improved cancer center on monday and i am working a little extra helping out. an awesome new building (with a few minor glitches they are working out). i remember distinctly talking to tim about the new building (i think we helped pay for a large portion)...and his response was ALWAYS the same. he told me that one way or another he NEVER wanted to see the inside of that new building!!!!

i wasn't sure how i would be (emotionally) working over there...but surprisingly i have actually developed a passion for the cancer center. maybe because i have been on the patient/caregiver side as well as the professional side i can see how this new set-up can have many POSITIVES for both. in the past the various departments that cared for a cancer patient were separated and there was very little cross-over...NOW we are all together and i feel that this is going to be a GREAT experience for all those involved (professional and patient viewpoints).

there are some people that i have not crossed paths with since tim was a patient and now i see them in the hallways and sometimes even may take a lunch break with them. so far so good...it was so hard to explain how much of an impact these people had on our lives and then "poof" they were gone. for over three years we were in and out and in and out...then one day it all just comes to an end and those individuals that became almost family to us are just gone. i am one of the lucky ones to have the opportunity to actually still work with many of the awesome health care professionals that embraced our family and cared so much for tim's health and well-being. i know this may sound corney, especially to my co-workers, but i honestly feel privileged to be a part of the hershey medical center and to play a small part in the care of other cancer patients that come through our doors.

enough rambling...i guess i could go do laundry or maybe hit up the 24 hour walmart.

hope you are all having a wonderful week.

thanks for checking in

tammy.

thrill of the ride...

i will have to admit that when i first thought of this topic for my blog i thought it would be SO EASY to write...but then the driving sessions kept getting better and better...so some of the entries may be a little exaggerated but i will never tell which ones.

luckily i have yet to look like these guys.

i think that there is always going to be some level of stress involved anytime a parent has to climb into that passenger seat for the first time and let the wheel turned over to a very anxious 16 year old. male or female doesn't really make a big difference...you are NO longer in total control and it is scary!!

i felt like i was on a new amusement park ride for the very first time...as a kid i never really looked at a ride as anything more than a thrill. now as an adult i look at the way it will affect my back and my neck and how well it was put together (i have a friend that has a "if it came in on wheels you can not ride it" rule-for carnivals and such). what does the operator look like...how much weight can that cable really hold...does that look like there is a screw missing...

it is kinda the same thing when you let someone else drive YOUR car...as a kid i never really looked at letting someone else drive my car as an issue. now as an adult i look at things differently...like how much money do i still owe on this car...

do any of you remember when you went on that ride called the bumper cars...do you remember that "jerky" motion of stopping and going and those wicked turns...i was that weird driver that never wanted to run into anyone. funny thing...i am still kinda like that.

there is a coaster named the dragster that takes a rider from 0 to 120mph in 4 seconds...now i am not saying that we have hit those speeds BUT we certainly are obsessed with getting UP TO SPEED in a hurry. it is like you are in warp speed until you hit that magical speed...

you ever ride the flyers at knoebels...that ride that sails you thru the air and you are SO SURE that you are going to hit the tree limbs...try taking the kids on nyes road or paxton church road the first week of driving.

the wildcat is described as having wild hills and tight turns...i can certainly relate to the tight turns.

the demon drop is a unique experience...you are taken up a type of elevator shaft and then dropped straight down 60 feet in less than 2 seconds. i know that the curbs in harrisburg are not quite that high but there is this kinda of eerie feeling when you know that you are on top of one and you are soon going to drop. we tend to ride the curbs a bit at the drive thru's...tim's poor van. we really should invest in a 4-wheel drive something (or tank).

i know that it hasn't been all that long but overall i have to admit that the girls are doing a great job at driving. we will have our "stories" to tell when it is all said and done but i don't think that i will need therapy after teaching twins to drive. (hopefully)

trying to keep busy today...i stopped by the cemetery yesterday when i was in berwick (i had a really rough time). still kinda rough today. keep praying.

thanks for checking in

tammy

january to july...

...hard to believe that we are in july already. time is flying right by.

...hard to believe that we are just a few days shy of 6 months since tim passed.

...hard to believe that some days are not any easier now than they were 6 months ago.

some of us mind the loneliness...but that is NOT to imply that some of us ALWAYS want company.

some of us mind the family outings and all the tim stories...but that is NOT to imply that we should STOP the memories or the funny stories (some just need to deal with that stuff differently than others).

some of us seem to be coping just fine and wonder why the others aren't...but someday down the road some of us may find a day that becomes hard for no apparent reason and then realize...some days are just plan sucky.

but overall i would say that we have pulled through these last 6 months fairly well...i think we have become a much closer knit family...with increased communication...which i for one think is rather ODD due to the fact that i live with three teenage daughters...but i also think it is awesome and consider myself one really lucky mom. i pray every single day that we can get through this "rough spot" in our lives and still be able to maintain a stable family (which may be a stretch considering we weren't too stable before) AND a family who still has the faith and assurance that GOD won't give us anything that we can't handle together and with HIS help.

one day at a time.

well...the last blog promised a comparison of driving with teens and cedar point...unfortunately that blog is still in the process of being written so stay tuned...hopefully later this week.

kelsey and i are painting a portion of the kitchen today...kinda scary.

ashley and john have offered to mow the grass...kinda awesome.

megan is working...kinda priced some college books this week-ouch!

(hi ho hi ho its off to work she goes...)

thanks for checking in

tammy

enjoy your 4th of July holiday weekend