looking in from the outside...

YES...i got to take tim outside for a few minutes today!!!! it was exhausting for him, but i think it did him good. (after 22 days i know it did me good)

still seeing little improvements each day...and some little set-backs each day...but at least we are staying EVEN and not falling behind. he had gained 5 pounds overnight...i thought only i could do that...and his kidney function is slowing down a bit, but they are keeping a close eye on that.

they are still talking about a possible discharge in the next few days.

thanks for checking in...

(tim and) tammy

3am and all is well...

i think that i am getting a little (well, maybe a lot) nervous about tim coming home soon. midnight mary is correct (nice mary)...this saturday is my birthday...and i have such mixed feeling about tim coming home. on one hand i am thrilled and excited that he did so well and will be coming home, and on the other hand i am a wreck about him coming home. i asked tim how he felt about coming home and he said he was a bit nervous about it too.

i think my biggest fear is that we will no longer be in that controlled environment and he will be more vulnerable to infections on the outside...plus i guess we are going to have to daily be watching for signs of "graft vs host disease" (GVHD) which is a very scary thing. i will be giving out more info on what GVHD is a bit later on, but i just need everyone to know that we seem to have won the battle but to remember we are still fighting a war ( a huge war).

well, i should try and get some sleep-5:30 am comes around quick--but wanted you all to know that tim's biggest battle is still yet to come and to continue to remember him in your prayers.

thanks...

(tim and) tammy

11pm and all is well...

it has turned out to be a pretty decent day--

the stomach issue has started to resolve itself and tim was able to eat a little bit at both lunch and supper tonight. (and it stayed inside-PTL)

in the morning we are going to try and take some meds...in pill form.

he was able to go for two walks today--

he was able to drink a little more tonight also.

if all stays on track i would say that there is a good chance that he will get his wish and be home on the weekend.

it seems as though we have crossed over that threshold and can see the light...now, keep in mind he still feels crappy and he is far from "recovered" but he is taking all the LITTLE STEPS that he can to proceed in the right direction.

even if we come home this weekend we will "have a very short leash" they say-which means trips back and forth every day to the day-hospital, but that is OK...at least he will be HOME.

i will keep you all posted.

thanks for the comments-we love them!!!!

(tim and) tammy

tuesday tease...

well, from the laboratory point of view tim is doing great...

from the wife who sits and watches him for hours, we have a ways to go...

from the doctor who see him for a few minutes a day...we may go home this weekend!!!!!

boy, does tim have his work cut out for him.

we are decreasing his pain meds today
we are going to try to eat today
we are going to try and walk today
we are going to try and swallow a pill today
we are going to try and shower today

wish us luck...

(tim and) tammy

counts are flying...

today we went up to 10.4 (yes, that is 10,400 cells).

in theory, we could go home tomorrow with these counts...BUT we still need to stay to be able eat and drink and swallow pills-all of which has been impossible for the last 4 days!!! his stomach is still a mess and today we think they are going to start the nutritional IV (we tried).

so...keep praying for a quick recovery. and later on we need to re-focus our attention on his 'rejection' issues-but that is for another day.

i will be in touch-happy memorial day!!!

(tim and) tammy

some really good news...

tim's white blood cell count (WBC) went from 0.2 (which is 200 cells) to 1.5 (which is 1,500 cells).

the process has begun!!!! thank you mark!!!!

tim unfortunately still feels like crap-but at least we know that we have "engrafted" and the cells are starting to multiply. this is a good thing!!!

keep checking in-

(tim and) tammy

no news yet...

i have taken advantage of the weekend and not having to take the kids to school and slept in a bit, so i don't have the early update today. i haven't called him for fear that i will wake him up (although it is doubtful that i would get too much reliable info out of him today-he is a bit confused at times between the meds and the fevers).

i will update later on today when i can evaluate how he is really doing and when we get his counts back-go to church and enjoy a picnic or cookout. it looks like a beautiful day today.

i will be back later...

(tim and) tammy

rough day

thank goodness he is sleeping thru most of it. he primarily just wakes up to be sick and then goes back to sleep. we have up-ed his pain meds which is finally giving him some relief from the pain, but his stomach is getting worse each day. he hasn't taken in any food (except 1/2 popsicle) in about 3 1/2 days which has him getting weaker and weaker.

his WBC count needs to start rising and then hopefully we will be on our way to recovery. keep checking in...i will update when i can. thanks for the comments-he loves them.

(tim and) tammy

saturday morning

well, i guess while tim's counts are down not much new to report...you will all have to do what we are doing...sit and wait (and we all know what happens when you wait upon the LORD...)

the doctor was in last night and said that it could be a day or two (or three or four or five) there really is no way to know (GO MARK>>>>)

hope you all have a great holiday weekend...

if you are local and want your car washed today-the field hockey booster club is washing cars at the commerce bank on progress...go say hi to megan and kelsey (from 11-3)

ash was feeling a bit better last night...doubtful anyone will see her before lunch though.

thanks for checking in.

(tim and) tammy

approaching the holiday weekend...

with a fever.

yes, last night at about 8pm tim (and ashley) decided to spike a temp. of course with the supressed immune system they have to work it up as a possible infection so they PAN-CULTURE him (from top to bottom). they draw blood cultures and do a chest x-ray and culture just about any other source they can get their hands on. i guess we are better safe than sorry-but they feel it is all related to the recovery process.

mom is back...i had to call in the calvary again...hard to split between two locations. ashley is missing her 4th day of school today-it has been a looooong week. (and i can't even imagine the make-up school work to entertain our long weekend). i know that i dont usually say this-infact i doubt that i have EVER said this, but it will be nice when school is out.

well, i have to get the other two kiddos moving. wish me luck today-i have to go convince my husband that he is not getting enough pain meds and that we need to increase the dose. (the nurses and i feel that he is just being 'a non-complaining' still in pain patient).

catch ya later...

(tim and) tammy

pca

those are three very important letters, and although i am not 100% sure what they stand for, i know that they are going to give tim the pain relief that he needs right now. they hooked him up to a direct line to some pretty decent drugs and all he has to do is push a button to get a dose.

his mouth and throat pain is very severe today and his stomach is upset and his energy level is wiped and he is soooooo ready for this to be over...but one day at a time. today we can break it up into 15 minutes intervals-which is how often he can have the pain meds. because of the pain meds and the stomach meds he is able to sleep a bit during the day-which is a good thing. he is no longer able to eat so they are watching his bloodwork and if they feel he needs the IV nutrients they will add that also.

kind of a downer day, but he is still hanging tough.

ashley still has the fever...home today with pappy.

i will be in touch.

(tim and) tammy

happy drugs...

well, the pain has set in and before i left tonight tim had to call in the heavy artillary. so far his pain has been managable, but tonight the pain in his mouth/throat became very intense. they have switched all his medications over to IV and we are only eating soft foods and rinsing with salt water. this is a very common side effect of the transplant and should subside as soon as his counts start to rise.

other than that i guess everything else is about the same. he received platelets today-another common side effect-thursday he starts his neupogen (?) injections to quick-start his new immune system and hopefully within the next few days or so we will see his counts start to rise.

they say that he may be busting out of there in another week or so...he is counting the days.

ashley still is getting these fevers (i guess instead of her dad) and has a headache and cough, but the dr says it is just a viral thing...so we wait it out.

thanks for checking in...

(tim and) tired tammy

wacky wednesday

good day to all,

ashley appears to have had a relapse so i stayed home with her this morning-we are going to see a doctor this afternoon. when i talked to tim, he said he was about the same. his WBC count is down to 0.2 (which is about 200 cells). this is ok...tomorrow it will be down to <0.1 and we will start the shots to rebuild mark's cells.

his stomch is still a mess and today they switched all his medications to IV form so that he doesn't have to swallow so many pills when he doesn't feel well. today is the start of the 4th week with the bells palsy and we have seen little if any improvement. speech therapy is coming by today to do some sort of electo-stimulation to that nerve and try to get it to respond a bit.

sorry i don't have too much more information to report-i will be going in later on this afternoon to boot him out of bed and get him walking a bit. i will try to update a bit later.


(tim and) tammy

tuesday morning update...

although i haven't spoken to him directly this morning, all seems to be going ok. it is getting much quieter in the room-i think we are running out of things to talk about-can you believe that one.

he is tired of this whole thing, but is still being a model patient. they are joking about the fact that physical therapy came by yesterday to take tim for a walk and the word on the street was that tim took physical therapy for a walk. ( i don't think he will be back for awhile).

the appetite is not great, but he is still able to eat enough to keep him off the nutritional IV...that is his goal. his WBC (white blood cell count) is expected to bottom out today or tomorrow...this is when he is probably the most vulnerable to infections and fevers. although it is a dangerous time, it is a necessary time-tims cells must die out so that marks cells can take over. (sounds like a sermon illustration doesn't it).

well, i must get things in gear here...ashley is feeling much better and is going to school today and mom got her much needed break. things are moving along smoothly so far.

thanks for checking in...

(tim and) tammy

its the start of another week...

and i must admit this last week went MUCH better than we had expected!!!

thanks go out to all who sent mom a comment-if you still wish to add one for her i will make sure that she gets it when she returns to the 'burg.

i just called out to the nursing station, as i do most mornings between 5-6am and they say that tim had a great night-slept like a baby!!! yesterday was fairly uneventful...he was much more tired and needed his first of many blood transfusions, but that is to be expected. his mouth sores are getting worse, but he can still manage without pain meds and he can still eat a little (although he really doesn't have much of an appetite). i was still able to get him up and out of bed to walk a bit, which they say is very important...i just have to keep reminding him that he made me promise him that i would keep him moving even when he didn't want to...wish me luck. his mind is clear-and that is a huge blessing. so...all things considered i would have to say that "things are pretty good" for being 4 days post-transplant.

pray for ashley today-she is running a temp and not feeling the best. (can't have sickness in this house!!!) as you remember tim in your prayers for his recovery add a little request that the rest of his family, especially his #1 caretaker stays healthy also. there is a lot of sickness out there and we can't be bringing it home now.

well, i must be getting the kids out the door and treck back to hershey-thanks for stopping by.

(tim and) tammy

this one is for you mom

as most of you know tim and i are the proud parents of three wonderful teenage daughters. and although this is truely a blessing, having to be in hershey everyday for close to a month creates a bit of a dilemma with the kids and life in general. SO>>>my mother has come to the rescue.

she has stepped up and got her house in order and moved into our home to help out. (thanks dad)

everything from cooking, to cleaning, to organizing, to laundry (and you all know we have TONS of that), to keeping that watchful eye on the girls, to cheering them on at sporting events. making sure the homework is done, getting them to church, and many many many more things too numerous to list. tim and i are so greatful to what she is doing that we wanted all 21 states and 4 countries to know how much we appreciate her and love her.

i always buy a mothers day card for her and some years they are funny and some years they are serious-this was a funny year because we just couldn't handle any "mushy stuff" at that time this year-but i had another card ready and i would like to show you all the one verse:

when i think of all the times in my life that you've been there for me. i realize just how fortunate i am to have a mom like you. you've given me unending strength, support, and encouragement. i often wish there were some way i could give you even half the love you've given me.

this verse comes from my heart and tim's heart. tim and my mom do not have the usual mother-in-law issues that many have. they are VERY VERY close and i know he loves her like a mom.

well, enough mush for one day-we just wanted you all to know how we are getting from one day to the next without incident. we are sending her home for a couple of days that she can re-group, catch up on her own stuff and spend some more time with dad, but she will be back (you will be back-right mom??). thanks go out to those stepping up to cover for her while she is gone-our support system is totally amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!! we love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if you care to send mom (nana, amber, mrs. conner) a comment-i will make sure she gets it!!

we love you mom.

thanks for checking in...stay tuned...

(tim and) tammy

saturday night update

we had a WONDERFUL day today. tim got to visit with his dad and his in-laws and his kids all in one day. he walked laps atleast 4 times today and was able to eat "a little" at each meal which is keeping him off the nutritional IV (which he hates).

he is still having some "expected" side effects, but his spirits are up and he has really had a nice day today-all things considered. we are watching his blood counts and they are dropping quickly now, which could cause some more issues, but one day at a time.

update on the 'around the world' prayer chain...jerusalem is added-prayer meeting each night from midnight to 6am and tim is on TOP of the list each night-how cool is that!!

well, have to back to his room-watching boston and the phillies play.

later...

(tim and) tammy

keep getting more...

ethiopia now has company...the country of germany
plus we have another state to add-georgia

that now makes a totol of 2 countries (besides this one) and 21 states.

as of late last night tim was doing pretty well-he actually sent me home early to spend some quality time with the kids-we went to the dollar store, k-mart and dairy queen. (now that is a good night).

i'll update when i can.

(tim and) tammy

two more...

wisconsin
south dakota

that makes 20 states-very cool!!

i am so so so sorry...

how could i forget VIRGINIA
and lets add new york too

that would be 18 states now

friday afternoon update...

so far so good.

the biggest change today is that tim sleeps alot...his stomach is still giving him some grief and the meds make him tired, plus his red cells are dropping a bit and that will make him tired also. he is expected to need his first post-transplant blood transfusion sometime tomorrow. his mouth sores (also expected) are starting up-but so far he hasn't needed any pain meds for that. within the next couple of days they expect him to need a medication pump to be able to control the pain in his mouth from all the sores.

he has been a real champ through this whole ordeal and is determined to continue on that course.

we were talking recently about how awesome it was that we had "prayer connections" in so many different places and were trying to figure out just how many area's of the country (and beyond) that tim's prayer request were being addressed.

so far, in addition to ETHIOPIA, we have come up with about 16 different states:

pa
maryland
louisiana
kansas
oklahoma
texas
delaware
missouri
ohio
mass.
florida
new jersey
california
idaho
oregon
kentucky

pretty cool stuff...if you know of any other states or countries that we may have missed please let us know.

gotta get back to the mask (he is now in isolation).

later...
(tim and) tammy

the crossroads...

sorry i couldn't update more last night-i am finding that this experience is not only taking a toll on tim but there are nights that i leave the hospital totally exhausted (in every aspect) and unable to effectively communicate with anyone.

but today is another day and we start each day fresh and optimistic. the transplant itself went VERY WELL. i believe the terminology used by the doctor was uneventful. it pretty much was like a regular blood transfusion with lots more bells and whistles. tim had to be hooked up to a heart monitor and blood pressure monitor and oxygen monitor and there had to be a tub of medications on stand by in the room and an RN present at all times (oh, and numerous staff members, who are beginning to be more like family everyday, coming by to wish him luck). and then they tell him to just relax-it is no big deal!!!

but, they were right. it was no big deal physically. i guess the hardest part yesterday was the waiting and anticipation of something we have not done before. i know the hardest part today is knowing what is to come. from what we have read and heard from lectures and been told by doctors and nurses there is quite a rocky road ahead of tim. we used to think that we just had to get to TRANSPLANT DAY and all would be good. boy, were we wrong.

continue to pray that tim is one of those "unusual patients" that only had minimal side effects and did remarkably well. GOD is in control and we know that He can help us to breeze through these next critical few weeks. once again i tell you how appreciative we both are of everyones constant interest in "our story". mom and i were talking last night how often you run into people who know you are going through a rough time and they say "we are praying for you" and then you go on and wonder if they will really be praying or if it has become something that one says so routinely that it holds no real committment. (i know that i have been guily of that myself) BUT we are not only aware of your prayers because of your constant support and comments and expressions of love, but we CAN FEEL THE PRESENCE OF GOD with us 'round the clock. we know without a shadow of doubt that prayers are FLOODING the heavens on our behalf and for that we THANK YOU.

well, i must be getting the kiddos to school and then get back to the hospital. i will update when i can.

(tim and) tammy

i know you all are waiting...

it is official as of 6:30pm EST Thursday, May 18th, 2006 tim has received new improved stem cells to finish off the battle of his life!!!!!!! this is it...now we wait.

(tim and) tammy

not yet...

we just heard that it will be sometime after 4pm today.

pray for tim to have a calmness and peace going into this transplant.

i'll be back.

tammy

10.2

mark had a wonderful day today...which means that tim will have a wonderful day tomorrow.

we needed a minimum 2 million stem cells
we expected about 4-6 million stem cells
he hoped for 8 million stem cells
he harvested 10.2 million stem cells

yes, that is 10,200,000 stem cells...they are going to use half and freeze half incase we would need a boost down the road. GOD has answered our prayers again. tim is feeling much better tonight also. still having many times of reflection and emotion-but we are coping as well as can be expected. he is having me read all the cards and thoughts and comments. he loves them.

no idea what time the transplant will take place. (sorry) all we know is that it will be sometime tomorrow. i will keep you all posted when i can.

(tim and) tammy

today is marks big day...

tim's brother mark has been a real trooper though this whole ordeal. it would be IMPOSSIBLE for us to express the gratitude that we have for his willingness AND genuine desire to do this for his brother.

the past 4 days have had him driving back and forth to hershey for a series of tests and shots to prepare for the harvest which is at 8am this morning. mark and deb will be spending anywhere from 4-6 hours in the blood bank today. he will have one arm hooked up to a machine that will take out his blood and spin it to be able to remove the "stem cells" and then remix the portion they don't need and put it back into his other arm. he could harvest as many as 5-6 million stem cells today-tim will need about 2 million of those cells (which he will get tomorrow). isn't science a wonderful thing...

pray that mark has a great day and that all will go well for him today.

i will try to update on tim later on. we wanted to just throw out a general but heart-felt thank-you to all who offered to be tested for tim's transplant-and to gwen who was tested and was a very close match...thank you all.

as always we appreciate all your love and care and concern.

(tim and ) tammy

no more chemo...

the last chemo has been given and if all goes well he will never need chemo again.

this last chemo has really been a tough one. his stomach has been upset all day long and he is getting weaker by the hour. all of which is expected, but no matter how hard you try to prepare for something like this---it is impossible to really know what to expect. he is on an emotional roller coaster and this is playing a toll on him also. we knew that it was going to get a lot worse before it got better...and we hear the worst is yet to come.

modern medicine is a strange thing...in order to fix one thing they have to really mess up quite a few other things first (all of which appear to be fixable).

all i can do is sit with him and pray with him and let him know how much he is loved and cared for. i print off the comments and e-mails and read them to him. i take in the cards and read him the comments (some of them make him laugh and some make him cry-but that is OK-keep them coming).

well, i am off to the laundry room...

keep praying that these next few days go quickly-things are kinda dragging lately.

(tim and) tammy

BIG DAY

yes, today not only does my husband have to deal with his transplant recovery, but now he also has to deal with 3 TEENAGE DAUGHTERS. hard to believe the twins turn 13 today.

not much new as far as his status...about the same.

sorry i don't have much time to chat this morning. i will try to get on later on this afternoon.

thanks.

(tim and) tammy

T-3

kinda a weird name for a day, but this is how the hospital classify tim's days. the T stands for transplant day and the -3 stands for three days before. SO...we are now three days away from transplant. yesterday finished up his 16 doses of his first chemo and today we start another one. the chemo he gets today he has had before but never in this quantity. it is hard on the bladder so they will start the day off by giving him a drug that protects the bladder, then they will administer the chemo around noon.

there is a term out there that we use to describe what tim is experiencing the last couple of days...they call it CHEMO-BRAIN. he can have times when he is perfectly coherant and sane and then within minutes he can transform into a totally different personality. this transformation can be anything from sad to happy to content to aggitated to confused to just about anything you can think of. they say that it is directly related to the chemo and that it will pass, but in the mean time things can get a little weird. he has had this happen before and we are aware of how he can get, but still pray for us. (it is scary at times)

he is on "fall precautions" because he is unsteady on his feet and his depth perception is a bit off from the bells palsy. this has him a bit annoyed also...he is not allowed to get out of bed with out someone there with him. (although he tends to not listen and sneak out from time to time). he has fallen once already while he has been in there, but luckily he has not gotten hurt.

all in all the chemo so far has been tolerated well and we are thankful for that. his back is much better and that has him off a lot of the pain meds. the chemo-brain will pass and i told him that if he didn't start listening to the nurses at night i was going to bring in a roll of duct tape...so life is good. (a bit bizarre at times, but good considering)

thanks again for checking in and for all your prayers...

(tim and) tammy

sunday is here

sunday is here...today will be the last day of the first CHEMO-doses 15 and 16 are today. he gets a half-day break and then we start another type of CHEMO tomorrow. tim's poor body must be so confused about right now.

we had a decent day yesterday in most respects, but as we go along this venture there will be days that one or the other of us will have what i call "a meltdown". nothing too serious, but a time when we have to either deal with a situation or a time when we need to deal with a frustration or a time when we just need to cry. yesterday was tim's first in-hospital meltdown...it actually was probably a good thing and his brother and sister-in-law were there to help him through it. i guess we are going to have these times and it is so encouraging to us to know that we have such a GREAT support system to help us get through them. i am loving the comments and e-mails and cards that have been generated through this blog-many of them i classify as "a blast from the past" and they generate such fond memories. thanks to all.

well, it is time for me to hit that very familar route to the hospital...so far i have been able to come home each night to sleep. i am at the hospital from breakfast to bedtime, but then i come home for a little break. (for as long as i can, there will be nights that i will stay over and they will just bring me in a cot to sleep on).

i will update again when i can...

love to all

(tim and) tammy

dose #12 up and running

well, it is saturday and so far all is going very well. we have had a few minor issues with lower back pain and him feeling a bit "unsteady" when he gets out of bed, but given the long list of possible side effects we are happy.

we need to STRESS the fact that he can not get out of bed without help-he has fallen twice this week already and we don't need any broken bones while we are in here. as far as the back pain...we are just going to treat the pain with meds...the x-rays are all negative.

the girls are doing well and nana(tam's mom) seems to be surviving. she move into our home on wednesday to help hold the fort. that makes my life so much more sane-if that is possible. mark (tim's older brother and donor) starts his daily injections today. pray that he doesn't get too achey through this whole process and that he survives the harvest on wednesday without incident.

well, back to the room i go...more word search puzzles to do!!!

i'll be back tomorrow.

(tim and) tammy

insurance is a go...

and this makes this a good day!!! we received word this morning that we have approval for the transplant. this is a good thing since tim is now getting his 8th dose of chemo.

so far things are going pretty smooth.

we will be in touch.

tim and tammy

two down...

...and 14 more to go. the pre-transplant chemo is up and running. so far so good.

we have added a few more drugs to our already long list...i think by now we could prevent an outbreak of just about anything one could think of.

we have anti-bacteria
we have anti-fungal
we have anti-viral
we have anti-seizure
we have anti-pneumoniae
we have anti-blood clot
we have anti-upset stomach
we have anti-nervous breakdown
we have anti-depression
we have anti-pain
we have anti-just about anything you could think of...and all this for the guy who two years ago didn't want to take an asprin!!!

it is ashame they just didn't have an anti-cancer pill we could have taken a couple of months ago.

thanks for stopping by...

(tim and) tammy

a new day...

we are going to go in for admission at noon today. pray that all goes well in arizona (?who knows) today with our insurance approval and that there are no more glitch's along the way. we are ready for a few days or even hours of "smooth sailing".

chemo should be on board at 4pm today (dose 1 of 16). transplant will tenatively be on may 18th now.

albert einstein once said "there are two ways to live your life. one is as though nothing is a miracle. the other is as though everything is a miracle". today we choose to pick the second.

we will be in touch

tim and tammy

slight glitch???

well fans...we are actually back in harrisburg tonight. once we got to the med center we found out that our insurance has not yet officially approved the transplant. (i guess my assumption was wrong about the pre-registration) so...tomorrow is another day and hopefully all the paper work will be in order and we can proceed with our insurance company's blessing.

we will be in touch.

tim and tammy

on our way...

leaving the house to move to hershey. we will be in touch.

tim and tammy

about 24 hours to go...

and i think tim is going to count each one down. he has really been a trooper thru this whole ordeal the last couple of weeks. all headaches are gone and now he feels pretty good other than a nagging backache (but he hasn't been up and around too much lately so i guess that should be expected).

his spirits are up a bit and he is really trying not to dwell on the future, but enjoy the day. today we visit with his father, watch some billards on TV and go and watch kelsey play softball later on this afternoon.

we have pre-registered for our admission today which i am assuming means that our insurance must have approved the procedure...this is a good thing. his first chemo is scheduled to start at 4pm tuesday so i believe that we are to be at the hospital between 1-2pm. i think we are both just ready to get in there and get this whole process started. keep praying that we can get him in and out in record time...the average length of hospital stay is between 24-28 days without any complications. 26 days will bring him home on my birthday-i think that is his secret goal.

thanks for checking in-

tim and tammy

weekend update...

it is hard to know how to describe this weekend...i suppose the easiest way for me to describe it is to call it "an emotional roller coaster". the whole family seems to be stuffed full of such a large variety of emotions. everything is a bit subdued as far as the grown-ups are concerned...at least on the surface they are subdued. in the inside i think there are about a million and one things going on. everything from concern, worry, fear, pity, anxiety, wishing this was done and that was done, wishing this was over and not just starting...

and then there are the kids, who are trying to fit as much as possible into such a little space...because we all know that the rest of this month and most of next month are going to be bizarre.

tim and i are aware that we are all putting too much pressure on ourselves...even the kids seem to be putting pressure on themselves...but it is a hard thing to control. we are in an odd, never before been place. please pray for us all over the next 48-72 hours especially since we seem to have entered the "twilight zone".

BUT even with all that anxiety and emotion flying around this weekend things are going pretty well. tim did get to a soccer game saturday afternoon and for the first time in a long time we used a gift card and ordered "take-out" prime rib from the outback steakhouse for supper...that was really nice. we are trying to live our lives like one of tim's nurse's always says "one day at a time". we know that GOD is in control and we just need to kick back and relax abit and we are trying!!!

well, i should try to catch a few winks...thanks again for stopping in to check on us.

tim and tammy

we've made it to the weekend...

so far so good. the pain on tim's left side is somewhat better today and the spinal headache is totally gone. we actually went for a ride in the car and picked up some cracker barrel food for lunch. (huge improvement over the last few days).

we are going to try to make a soccer game later on this afternoon...even if only for awhile it will keep tim's mind on other things than dreading tuesday. his spirits are improving a tad bit but we could use a boost or two in that department. (one day at a time-it is hard not to look farther down the road and get down in the dumps).

overall though, i am very pleased with his attitude and improved status today. it is going to be a great weekend...

thanks for stopping in.

tim and tammy

it's thursday already...

hello everyone,

WOW...i am amazed how fast word travels about this site...when most of my generation and above hear that i have my own BLOG they say "your own what???" we are overwhelmed with the amount of interest and comments and calls and prayers that are heading our way. we are truely blessed beyond measure.

last night i was on the phone with a very very dear friend until the wee hours of the morning so i apologize for skipping a day. sometimes it is hard to know what to write, but i guess just saying HI and that things are gradually getting better will be enough. tim had a pretty decent day yesterday and we believe the spinal headache has gone and he is only having pain on the left side of his head caused from the bell's palsy nerve involvement.

we are just in this holding pattern until tuesday the 9th rolls around and then things will be happening. his first chemo is already scheduled for 4pm that afternoon and then we are on our way to transplant with no turning back.

well, gotta get this day started-thanks for checking in.

tim and tammy

feeling a little better

today he went back on the steroids and increased the pain meds and stayed on the couch all day. we are finally feeling a bit better tonight. the bell's palsy seemed to have settled down and the spinal headache has been tapering off also. thanks for all your prayers.

we hope things settle abit so that we can catch a couple of the twins soccer games and at least one of kelsey's softball games. next tuesday will be here before we know it.

tim and tammy

middle of another episode...

yes, they say that once you have bell's palsy you may have re-occurrances-but i thought that meant every few years or so-not every 7 or 8 days. it is about 11pm on monday night and we are about 6-7 hours into another round of bell's palsy. we called in to the doc and he agrees that tim is in the midst of another episode. this one appears to be much more severe than the first one and on top of that he still has the spinal headache to contend with. (pray for him)

today we found out that the transplant date has been set...he will be admitted on tuesday, may 9th and the transplant will take place on wednesday, may 17th. (the day after the twins turn 13-what a year to remember). i will type more on the transplant details a bit later-this day has been exhausting and we have a lot to absorb. thanks for checking in.

tim and tammy